Summer's footsteps are approaching and the mist of late winter has fade away.
Hello, i'm back once again from the realistic world, facing my studies and other stuffs(poker & everything in between), doing good apparently. 1 more week or so i will be departing the land of kangaroos and be going back to homeland! All i need to do now is to focus on upcoming papers and one poker tournament that i will be joining on 26th of Nov which is next monday, which i waited for so long.

As usual being a little skeptical about the shape of my future, and the big question "WHAT IF.."
Future? Mayan's predicted 21st of Dec 2012 the world will come to an end or something like that. Scientific sources believes various kinds of disaster/unknown impact might strike the earth the day before my 21st birthday. Seriously? To be honest i don't give a damn about all this. One day at a time that's all i asked for.
 
I've always planned on putting the "what if" thing into words but it seems to me that i do not have enough life experiences to puzzle it up. I went on Facebook just now and i saw a short clip posted by one of my friend, titled "What if money was no object" by Alan Watts.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2L_cGjQSR80)Yes, these are the words and ideas that i always wanted to communicate to people, to individuals.

We are already billionaires, zillionaires within ourself. Why follow the track of plain when you have a choice of live life according your way? 

what i need, what i dont,
what are the necessities when i were a kid back home,
it's like all these while i had been blindfolded,
by all these luxuries that are stacking up my closet,
i realized and i wanna apologize,
but i took the bullet, too late to cry.


there was this thing running thru my head the other day, nothing much just the usual, life.
looked at what i had in life, are all those really needed or is it just to satisfy my ego?
well, i think at least now there's some topic in my head that will keep me thinking thou.


(that was not a rap or some lyric's shit, just something i made up with my words and rhythm)

不同的城市，时间的差距，
慢慢的把我们吞没。
你说你累了，负担变重了，
距离把我推得好远，不能陪你了。


这些日子来，对不起让你受苦了，
是我做不到，过去那样的好。
是不是一种考验，答案不是很明显，
要让你过得好，这才重要。


此刻感觉好空虚，证明我还需要你，
还是会很想你，知不知道。

The days in sydney, 1 month and still counting

days of plain and uninteresting.

It's kinda hard for me as a stranger to start all over again in this new place,

by myself.

well maybe this is life, ups and downs and now i'm sinking wayyyy down.

i'll still continue my studies, no worries,

and take this as an opportunity to experience and learn.

but sometimes i just really miss everything / everyone back home.

外面的世界很精彩，外面的世界很无奈，

当你觉得外面的世界很精彩，

我会在这里深深的祝福你。

窗外的蓝天很宽阔，

蓝天下的我，学不会宽容。

而世界太大，烦恼太小，

小小烦恼的我，算得了什么？

It's christmas eve!

i would just like to say..

Thanks for everything.

Merry christmas!! :)

Don't set goals, it will burry greater possibilities within you.

Make sense? :) BY ME!

This is a story, that is important for some, and of course for myself.

It is good to hold on to something that is not to be meant, the determination for that is ignorant but impressive. Why said so? Because i was one of those ignorant selfish person.

Everyone faced problems and obligations in life, i'm no exception.

There was a girl, that came into my life when we were 18 and from that moment everything changed. My motivation, studies, perspectives, feelings, personality and everything else, everything around me seemed so great and i was living in a dream literally. We had coffee, conversations, moments and a lil bit more, but when there was a dream, nightmare strikes.

When i said she changed my life, she really did. Positive and negative ways.

Positive was, i found someone to talk to, share my problems and rely all of my feelings on her.

The other side? Envies, depressions, selfishness, drowning emotions crawled in. I started did things that only fools would do, trembled in darkness with negative perceptions, aggressive in controlling her life. Everything changed, again. She ignored, denied, avoided everything i said and refused every way that i can get to her. By time, the situation got worst and eventually, she had enough of my overwhelming emotions.

Well of course i got mad and all the anger gathered up. Am i that bad? I threw in all my feelings, effort, time for her, and this is what i get at the end of the day? i asked myself. I can't really give an answer regarding that question by that time. Everyday i woke up with a blue mood, not bothered to talk a word more. Overreacted when things got worst, blamed everyone else and myself for just a simple mistake. It's not strange, since i was still holding on to her, not letting her go, i believed that she will listen to me and maybe i might still stand a chance. I wasn't there to realize that I'm just a useless guy that letting myself drowned deeper and deeper than yesterday. I'm lost.

After some time, when pain and depression was a part of my life, i started to wandered around the city alone in the late nights, the emotions chilled down by time and i thought of making a change in myself maybe could get back to her. I looked back to the past and from there, i slowly learnt from my mistakes that i committed, i changed everything that she didn't like.

The hardest part in life, for me, was definitely the changing process. Nearly took me one whole year to changed, and the most solid part was mindset, as in the way i think.

Took my life seriously and positively, had my own life and became more socialized and confident. Still, i'm holding on to her, all those while.

When i came to knew, it was the last semester in college and i didn't get my chance to get near to her yet, until one fine afternoon. I was gaming with james and jeremy, my housemates back in penang and suddenly my phone received a message from an unknown number, ironic. After the game i looked through the message and came to noticed that the unknown number was the number that i couldn't ever forget. It was her. She wanted us to be friends again. For that very moment, i didn't know what i thought and how i felt. it was unforgettable, till now it still is.

With hopes high, i planned to present the fresh new me to her and just start all over.

But by the time i knew, she was in a relationship already. I was one step too late, again.

This time, instead of getting frustrated and all emotional, i felt that i was blessed because of the reason that finally there was an ending to this story, and i truly lived life. I learnt more than i could possibly imagine from the start. It was worth is, the journey was enjoyable.

I can now answer that question i asked myself back then, am i that bad?

The answer is yes, i WAS bad, selfish, ignorant, annoying, overwhelming.

Now? i'm living life to the fullest, treating myself good and become a guy that more than i could ever be, i guess i'm awesome? :)

Although i didn't have the chance to know her more, but who knows right?

I wrote this down just to remind everyone that who read this should really hold on to the things and person you really loved that deep, and don't be afraid of losing it, because holding on makes you learn more towards everything.

Also appreciate everything and everyone around, don't make foolish mistakes and just take some time to be a better person, it is not expensive. Let time prove that you are worth holding on.

遇见了一些人，

被在乎的人遗忘的，

被忽略的，

伤害的，

把自己弄迷失的，

后悔的,

无助的，伤感的，等。

别怕，只要还活着，一切都是值得的。

被他人遗忘的，至少回忆是真的，品尝过的甜也是真的。

被忽略的，要知道最好的都是压轴后才被发现的，急不来。

被伤害的，要明白这就是人生呀，至少有空前让我们成长，变成更好的人。

把自己弄丢的，外面的世界很大，总有一天在某个角落你会找到想要的自己。

后悔的，前路漫长，一点一滴的弥补回错过的，不迟。

无助的，让自己静一静，前方总会有个港口让你依赖，别放弃。

伤感的，要感谢他人曾经在过去在你旅程中点起灿烂的烟火，和不可思议的感动。

继续走，继续走。

别沮丧，别回首。

未来的每一步一脚印，

不管有多淡，多痛，

都会是获得的。