This is a story, that is important for some, and of course for myself.

It is good to hold on to something that is not to be meant, the determination for that is ignorant but impressive. Why said so? Because i was one of those ignorant selfish person.

Everyone faced problems and obligations in life, i'm no exception.

There was a girl, that came into my life when we were 18 and from that moment everything changed. My motivation, studies, perspectives, feelings, personality and everything else, everything around me seemed so great and i was living in a dream literally. We had coffee, conversations, moments and a lil bit more, but when there was a dream, nightmare strikes.

When i said she changed my life, she really did. Positive and negative ways.

Positive was, i found someone to talk to, share my problems and rely all of my feelings on her.

The other side? Envies, depressions, selfishness, drowning emotions crawled in. I started did things that only fools would do, trembled in darkness with negative perceptions, aggressive in controlling her life. Everything changed, again. She ignored, denied, avoided everything i said and refused every way that i can get to her. By time, the situation got worst and eventually, she had enough of my overwhelming emotions.

Well of course i got mad and all the anger gathered up. Am i that bad? I threw in all my feelings, effort, time for her, and this is what i get at the end of the day? i asked myself. I can't really give an answer regarding that question by that time. Everyday i woke up with a blue mood, not bothered to talk a word more. Overreacted when things got worst, blamed everyone else and myself for just a simple mistake. It's not strange, since i was still holding on to her, not letting her go, i believed that she will listen to me and maybe i might still stand a chance. I wasn't there to realize that I'm just a useless guy that letting myself drowned deeper and deeper than yesterday. I'm lost.

After some time, when pain and depression was a part of my life, i started to wandered around the city alone in the late nights, the emotions chilled down by time and i thought of making a change in myself maybe could get back to her. I looked back to the past and from there, i slowly learnt from my mistakes that i committed, i changed everything that she didn't like.

The hardest part in life, for me, was definitely the changing process. Nearly took me one whole year to changed, and the most solid part was mindset, as in the way i think.

Took my life seriously and positively, had my own life and became more socialized and confident. Still, i'm holding on to her, all those while.

When i came to knew, it was the last semester in college and i didn't get my chance to get near to her yet, until one fine afternoon. I was gaming with james and jeremy, my housemates back in penang and suddenly my phone received a message from an unknown number, ironic. After the game i looked through the message and came to noticed that the unknown number was the number that i couldn't ever forget. It was her. She wanted us to be friends again. For that very moment, i didn't know what i thought and how i felt. it was unforgettable, till now it still is.

With hopes high, i planned to present the fresh new me to her and just start all over.

But by the time i knew, she was in a relationship already. I was one step too late, again.

This time, instead of getting frustrated and all emotional, i felt that i was blessed because of the reason that finally there was an ending to this story, and i truly lived life. I learnt more than i could possibly imagine from the start. It was worth is, the journey was enjoyable.

I can now answer that question i asked myself back then, am i that bad?

The answer is yes, i WAS bad, selfish, ignorant, annoying, overwhelming.

Now? i'm living life to the fullest, treating myself good and become a guy that more than i could ever be, i guess i'm awesome? :)

Although i didn't have the chance to know her more, but who knows right?

I wrote this down just to remind everyone that who read this should really hold on to the things and person you really loved that deep, and don't be afraid of losing it, because holding on makes you learn more towards everything.

Also appreciate everything and everyone around, don't make foolish mistakes and just take some time to be a better person, it is not expensive. Let time prove that you are worth holding on.